Christmas hangover

We just finished our last Christmas celebration last night. Yes, some jackass thought that the Wednesday after Christmas is a good choice for holiday get togethers. Now, if my cousin is reading this I want to clarify that I don't really think you are a jackass and I greatly appreciated your hospitality and you have a lovely home. Moving on. Wednesday. An hour's drive from my house one way. Christmas has a way of just beating me down. And maybe it is just because I have been nursing a cold for 34 days but I don't think so. Family can be so...draining.

I realize I sound like the Grinch and I must say I have lots of love for most of my family. I just don't need to see all of them in the same weekend. I don't need to watch my husband get hostile because there is no "plan" for serving the food at the dinner table. I also don't need a mini lecture from my father-in-law about the importance of traditions and how new people just need to "come into the fold"* is how I think he put it. Yes, my 14 month old daughter should really get her act together so we can do Christmas Eve services at 11:00 p.m. How thoughtless of her. And then there are the extended family, the people I struggle to find any common interest with so we can fake conversation for at least 5 minutes. It is HARD.

I would like to say that there were many lovely moments and I was happy to get the chance to see people. I also enjoyed the ridiculous amount of food and the opportunity to show off my cute kid. Since I have no idea what the holidays will be like next year I will try and focus on the positives and move forward.

I hope you all (yes, this means Melissa and Lori) had a wonderful holiday and have a Happy New Year.

*My apologies for over use of quotations.

3 Days and Counting

In 3 days it is very possible that my life will be altered greatly. No, I am not getting a new haircut. I am waiting to hear from an official hiring board whether or not I have the "right stuff" to join their police department. I am 32 years old and possibly embarking on a career and life change. I would have to move with my family to Las Vegas, NV. I would have to endure 6 months of Academy training that nothing so far in my life has prepared me for. The military is about rules, respect, following orders, shining boots, cleaning guns, RUNNING A LOT. And did I mention people yelling at you all the time if you are not doing all of those things just right? I am not sure I was made to exist in a world like that. However, I am 99% sure I can survive that world to get to the part that I really want.

I guess I am just excited and nervous about what might happen. The possibility of failure is always looming. Or just the possibility that maybe I was wrong and not made to be a cop. What if I accept this job and move 1755 miles across country leaving almost everything I have ever known and I am wrong? I know it is important to take risks and follow your dreams. But like my esteemed brother in law said, what if I am a "day late and dollar short"? My dreams are bigger than just me now. They include my daughter and my husband. I am taking steps that will alter their lives.

Ok, enough gloom and doom! I rolled the dice and the chips are going to fall wherever the hell they want. And frankly, don't most chips belong in Vegas anyway?

Turkey with a side of awkward

For Thanksgiving we traveled to my parent's home in Gaylord for the long weekend. On Saturday we drove another 2 hours across the bridge to Sault Ste. Marie, MI to visit my grandparents that I have not seen in about 9 years. Did I also mention my "sperm donor" was there? This would not be the father of my daughter but rather my biological father that I have also not seen in 9 years and probably another 16 years before that one meeting. The story is not a new one. Boy and girl meet and fall in love. They get married and have a baby. And then they wake up one day and realize it just doesn't work. Frankly, I don't actually know what happened between my mom and Craig. I don't think that is a topic that warms her heart so if I have asked in the past I have forgotten the answer. And now I don't much see the point in asking. My mom remarried when I was little and my dad adopted me when I was 5. Sperm donor relinquished his parental rights along with his financial responsibility to me. On a very important side note my father is a wonderful man and I am very blessed that he is in my life. He taught me how to throw a ball and the importance of doing what you love.

Moving on to now. I was a bit nervous about meeting up with this part of my family since it had been so long. And also because I just don't see how they fit into my life anymore. Mostly the sperm donor. I have a father so I am not sure what role Craig is expecting to fill.

My grandparents place has not changed much since I was last there so many years ago. It is a large stone house on a farm with a dilapitated barn that sits on the river that leads out to Lake Nicolet. My grandfather and I used to fish that lake when I was little. He is not doing well. I will not see him in this life time again. That was very hard to take but it made me happy that we had come.

The meeting lasted a few hours and it was mostly painless. My favorite part was when Craig gave Maddie a gift of what he kept calling a stuffed dog. This thing was NOT a dog. It was definitely a horse. And when he went to pull the tag off the "dog" to give it to Maddie I saw the words Dog Toy written on it. So while it was a very nice gesture on his part he did, in fact, buy my daughter a dog toy. With a squeaker.